Football season is upon us and like a fat kid looking at chocolate cake I’m rubbing my hands together and thinking damn I can’t wait to get me some of that. The Bucs open the season this Sunday against the Cowboys and both teams come in with quite a few changes and question marks. There are plenty of things that you will probably see during Sunday’s, but below are my top 5 things you won’t see during Sunday’s game.

Top 5 Things You Won’t See

5. You won’t see live shots of Jessica Simpson watching the game. I know for some of you that’s disappointing, but for me it was annoying the amount of time they spent on Tony Romo’s girlfriend while the game was being televised. Romo did himself a favor by putting Simpson to the curb, I’m guessing he became weary of explaining 1 + 1 did NOT = Jello. I’d much rather watch a replay of a big play or a highlight from another big game going on.

4. You won’t see any do-overs for balls hitting a stupid, massive video display, because Raymond James Stadium is built for playing football the way it’s supposed to be played, which is on grass, outdoors and in the elements. I can see every opposing punter trying to punt the ball so hard it puts a hole in the screen. Punters can finally get some airtime and I can only imagine that all the punters have united and started a pool for the most do-overs during a road game at Dallas. Jerry Jones, your new stadium is a joke and your team is overrated too, but with that said they will kick the Bucs’ ass on Sunday.

3. You won’t see Jon “Chucky” Gruden stalking and scowling on the sidelines. After Gruden’s tremendous season ending choke, he’s moved onto the cozy confines of the Monday Night Football broadcast booth. Talk about living the dream, Gruden is getting paid to provide colorful insight and watch MNF live.

2. You won’t see a sold out stadium, because Bucs fans are dropping off faster than the Glazer family spends money on their overseas football teams. I’m guessing you might hear some echos if you attend the game. It’s gonna be crickets, baby.

1. You won’t see Terrel Owens in the post game news conference wearing sunglasses with tears streaming down his face saying “that’s my quaterback”. For me, this is disappointing, because I love me some T.O. drama, but fear not. Just switch of to the Buffalo Bills game and I’m sure something interesting might just happen. I almost want this guy to get his medication right, but his entertainment value is priceless.